Reality Check, Part Two, Can you Handle It? Social Anxiety

29 Feb

Since posting my “reality” yesterday didn’t give me a COMPLETE panic attack, I decided to confuse you again by posting more of my “Reality Check”  This may become a series if my head doesn’t explode.

My past Zumba students have been asking me out to lunch.  I agreed to meet them today when none of my typical excuses, yet totally true facts, worked.

I have no car… Don’t worry, I’ll pick you up.

I have no money… Don’t worry, its our treat.

Ummm… I… Uh… Look like this

Seriously, who wants to see this?

I love these ladies, I do, and I know that I’ll have a blast catching up with them.  So why have I been filled with so much anxiety over it that my son was teasing me about it last night?  “Oh, poor mommy has to go have lunch with her friends… poor mommy!”

“Kainan, this isn’t funny.  I could DIE!” (have I mentioned my flair for being overly dramatic?)

“You aren’t going to die.  You actually died this morning, but you got over it because death is too afraid to tell you.”  (have I also mentioned that I have Chuck Norris like status in my house?  Even with my huge 6’3″ beast of a son?  because I do.  Its kind of awesome:)

This is my little boy... FOUR YEARS AGO! (I can't find the more recent pics, where I come up to his shoulder.)

“Kainan, how are you going to feel if I go to lunch tomorrow and I actually DIE?”

Kainan, “Oh my god, I would laugh SO HARD if you managed to die by going out to lunch!” (followed by snorting and laughter, not only from Kainan, but I think I saw my hubby smirking in the kitchen.)

Right this very moment, I’m wanting to beg off because Paris is sick, even though if I was working, I’d go because there is really nothing I can do for her by being here.  *Note, this is why I’m behind on videos again, both the girls being sick AND shoddy equipment that won’t work!

Amuse yourself with this bloopers reel if you must:

Although I have many friends online that I love ‘hanging out with’ via the net, there are few people that I can think of that I would look forward to socializing with in person. VERY FEW.  And don’t be offended if you’re not on that list. It gets slimmer and slimmer every year.  I can’t even think of a handful, to be honest!

Yes, part of that is that I prefer my husband’s company if we have free time. That part of it I don’t feel bad about at all. What I don’t understand is feeling anxious before I go hang out with anyone.

How do I say, Dear Friend, I am having a panic attack at the thought of hanging our with you, and yet I KNOW that once I’m WITH you, I love hanging out with you, talking, etc pretty much every single time. And yet, even though I hung out with you and had a blast yesterday/three days/a week/a month/a year ago, I still dread the thought of leaving the house and hanging out with you.

I have some sort of weird social anxiety. I hate leaving my house unless I’m with my husband. I don’t mind going somewhere if I can be alone and read/be online (Panera’s free wifi is my other best friend) but I get nervous at the thought of a social visit. I have to remind myself that last time I went out for lunch with you, I had fun. I enjoyed myself. I laughed, I ENJOYED talking with you, catching up, sharing our stories and our lives.  I didn’t want it to end!

I don’t understand why, up until the point that we get together, I’m filled with anxiety. Every time people invite me over or out, I tend to put it off, or accept and then back out because as the date nears, I get more and more anxious about it. I need to figure out a way to get over this, because I know it isn’t healthy. I guess I need to figure out who I genuinely enjoy hanging out with and work on just building up the friendships that I truly enjoy?  Honestly, I think I have a really hard time figuring out who’s company I honestly just find stressful, and who I enjoy.  How backwards is that?

This, in part, is one of the reasons that I always laugh when people ask me, “You homeschool?  But what about socializing?  Aren’t you afraid that they won’t have any friends?”  Because honestly, I went to public school, and my kids are far better at making friends, hanging out with people and appear to have NO social anxiety.  I can’t remember a time past age 10 when I just felt comfortable hanging out with people.

Am I really that odd? Do any of you have social anxiety?

Do you socialize a lot or do you wish you ‘got out’ more?

(All of this assuming you aren’t home with babies and toddlers… I had little to no social life at those times in my life either, but for entirely different reasons!  Money/Babysitter/not wanting to leave my babies/exhaustion/too much to do??)

Oh!  I need to go get ready, Jessica will be here in less than an hour!  Eep!  (Oh, and reason #2 I don’t want to go out?  I’ve gained too much weight and my clothes don’t fit… but that’s another post for tomorrow… or never!)


9 Responses to “Reality Check, Part Two, Can you Handle It? Social Anxiety”

  1. City Share February 29, 2012 at 11:47 am #

    I’ve developed something similar. I have to really psych myself up to leave the house. In my case I don’t know if it’s really social anxiety or just inertia taking over or laziness, it’s so much easier to stay at home in my PJs. Especially with a 7 month old during winter… I actually dread making phone calls now. I think I do it so rarely that it requires a push. Texting and emailing are so much easier…

    • Bean's Monkey Business February 29, 2012 at 3:33 pm #

      I’m sure some of those same reasons apply to me. I rarely EVER left the house when my kids were little. It seemed like SO MUCH EFFORT. The diaper bag, the car seat… ugh! And since the advent of texting, I’ve gotten SO bad about phones! I only answer calls from my mom and my hubby! I’m getting a lot of PMs and emails about this, people telling me that they thought they were the only one, so I’m really glad I shared!

  2. Gretchen February 29, 2012 at 12:35 pm #

    Yes! I have the exact some social anxiety, and it gets worse every year. Sometimes I find myself thinking, when was the last time I saw anyone? As a SAHM, I talk all day answering a million and one toddler questions, and as much as I love my little monkeys, at the end of the day I want silence, not to talk more … I should really call my friends.

    • Bean's Monkey Business February 29, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

      YES! I am SO overwhelmed with noise. Don’t ask me how I have raised 5 kids not to mention homeschooling them! It is SO quiet at our house all day because of school stuff, and the evens get noisy (small house, 6 people) and I get WAY overstimulated almost instantly! Ugh!

  3. Making Our Life Matter February 29, 2012 at 2:44 pm #

    What a great post! Yes great! Why??? Because you seem so real and relateable and funny and awesome! I would love to know you IRL so we can share our anxieties together. After reading this, I think that you are an absolute rock star because someone that has anxiety is making such an awesome contribution with your Bean shows. So be proud of things!

    • Bean's Monkey Business February 29, 2012 at 3:30 pm #

      Awww… thank you, really. That means a lot to me and I’ve got a big smile on my face:)

  4. March 2, 2012 at 9:50 am #

    Great post – very real! My biggest anxieties are when I’m going to meet a bunch of people I don’t know – that always gets me!


  1. Reality Check, Part 1: Let’s Get Real Here, Who DOES This??? « Beans Monkey Business - February 29, 2012

    […] in with my Reality Check Part Two:  Social Anxiety post, because apparently baring my soul felt good enough that I had to do it again! Share […]

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